What’s the Correct Food Gift Selection?

Giftbaskets are soooo last year!  Or is it last century?  My fervent hope is that you’ll eventually come to the conclusion that both statements are wrong.  You see, I make my living by selling gift baskets (among other food gifts).  Granted, it may be less significant that solving the global warming problem or removing a pesky mouse from under your kitchen cabinet, but it’s an honest way to pay for the roof over my family’s head.

I can read your mind: “All of his gift problems are solved; he just gives the same boring baskets year after year to everyone.”  How dare you think about me in that way!  I actually have the same problems you have in deciding what gift is best for everyone on my list.

I do not give food filled bundles of joy to my entire gift list.  (Well, maybe most it.)  However, even if I did, the choice would still not be easy.  My company alone offers scores of fruit baskets, wine gift baskets, gourmet food options and far more.  (I can hear you right now, begging me to tell you where this wonderful store is.  Please be patient.)

Before you bribe me (or threaten me) to share my store location with you, I want to tell you about my own decision making approach.

My first step is to decide on the appropriate category of gift from the many choices.  If Uncle Milton has his drinking problem under control for the first time in ten years, I should not even consider the wine baskets.  Instead, I think I’ll send him an assortment of gourmet cheeses and a fresh fruit basket.

Aunt Millie, on the other hand, is a great wine sipper.  Frankly, I don’t know if she really enjoys the wine, but she sure enjoys talking about it.  She thrills to have a new member of her audience so that she can explain what makes a good vintage year, the varieties of grapes that are used in her favorite blends and, especially, how much she paid for each bottle (as well as how much she paid for the carpeting you just ruined by spilling your glass).  She’ll get a simple wine gift basket, but I’m not going to spring for the champagne!

My nephew, Alfred, recently married his long time girlfriend.  Frankly, it’s about time.  It took him eight years to decide that she was worth parting with enough money to pay for a diamond and another five when he found out that it is customary to pay the minister who performs the ceremony.  What he wants is a check.  There’s no way that I’m satisfying that desire.  His wife wouldn’t get a dime of it.  Instead, they’re getting a meal of live lobsters and the trimmings from me.  Actually two, of course.  My thinking is that this is the only way to get his bride out of the kitchen.  Alfred would never pay for a restaurant meal, so, in a sense, I’m sending the restaurant to them.  (They honeymooned by visiting me!)

Second, I decide how much I’m willing to spend on these losers.

My perfect grandson isn’t getting a food gift.  I’m getting him the latest cell phone system, complete with an unlimited calling plan.  I would get him a sports car if only you would buy a lot more gift baskets!